Danny Bakers Internet Treehouse

Ahoy hoy everyone, and as someone once nearly said, “welcome to the most interesting read of your life.”

This is the first ever newsletter for members of the Internet Treehouse.
It has three main purposes;

  • firstly, to act as a gathering place for those facts and events that can so easily be overlooked in the hurly burly of everyday life on one of the most used message boards in the history of mankind.

  • Secondly, to update you, the oh so attractive member, on changes, additions and improvements coming soon to your favourite web site.

  • Then to act as a permanent home for bit and pieces of news and views from the site that might otherwise become lost and provide links to external sites where a whole galaxy of Treehouse related hoopla is stored. So, to business..


For any newcomers the History of the Treehouse can be found here.


The roll call of those who have climbed the rope ladder since 1/1/2003 and posted are:

Basil Rathbone
Brian's Knee Surgeon
The Shrimp
Definately not Tom
The Amorous Humphrey Plugg
Selfish Will
Son House
Tony Blair PM
Mr Rossi
john n london
Jimmy Saint
Swiss Tony
Saint Richard
Bill E Blunt
Walt the Fanboy
Honky Sausage
Dolly Dagger
Ping Crosby
Something's Burning
The London Dungeoness
Dr Sloan
Dr Futtocks
Chess Peace


Since the 1st.of January there have been a total of over 720 new threads launched on the message board.

Deserving of special mention are these fine specimens, which have grown triffid like to reach a truly staggering number of replies:

What's on your CD Player (24 Pages)
If you could be another Treehouser (19 Pages)
Word Association (14 Pages)
Previous Line (12 Pages)

Also, and without the slightest hint of malice, special mention to these threads that managed the increasingly difficult feat of attracting a grand total of zero replies.

The downside with being so popular (Webmiester)
Treehouse Flag Results (Jimmy Hill's Monkey)
With apologies to Rocking Vicar subscribers(Sir David Attenborough)
Six Feet Under (Bill Dukenfield)

Finally since the start of the year we've added over fifity audio clips to the Site for your pleasure. Among the highlights were:-

A Football Pitch marked out in Vim
Danny Kelly reads a truly terrifying letter
Alternative Jobs for Football Managers
Dreaming about Christian Gross
Marlon Brando and Pineapple rings
Bill Shatner being directed

Flies flying planes

"It's all right, I'm Mark I'm Swedish"


Since the ugly scenes of last October the message board has been under the watchful eye of four “tree surgeons”. Working independently of the Webmeister, these foolhardy souls watch over the daily doings of the board to make sure that nobody oversteps the (fairly loose) boundaries of taste and behaviour that we’ve set ourselves, and try to keep the streets of the Treehouse safe to walk.

They also monitor and respond to “whistleblower” alerts. Even the most devoted of moderator can’t watch every post, all day, every day. By clicking the small "Notify Moderator" icon underneath a post, any member is able to bring to the attention of all of the Surgeons any post that they feel is not in the spirit of the place.

Since it’s introduction a total of 12 whistleblower alerts have been received, almost all relating to one specific thread (can you guess which one?).Each one has been investigated and, where necessary, appropriate action has been taken.

If at any time you feel that the spirit of the Treehouse is not being adhered to please don’t hesitate to use this function. The best form of censorship is self-censorship.


Coming soon to a Treehouse near you…

Already up and running is the fantastic Danplayer. The idea is simple, the Danplayer can run under any other programme on your PC and will play a selection of clips, both new and old, chosen at random from the thousands of audio files held on the Treehouse’s database.

So, as you write your thank you letters to dozens of demented aunties, you can enjoy the outpourings of Britain’s finest radio host, effortlessly and for free.

The new message board launched on 23rd March. It is faster and has more bells and whistles than it's predecessor whilst retaining all the charm and mystique for which it is famous.

A new feature on the Forum is the member ranking system. Based purely on the number of posts made, each member has a rank displayed under their name each time they post. These rankings have been custom designed to reflect the Bakeresque world that we inhabite, and are as follows:

1.....................New Kid In Town
2 ....................Footsoldier In The Service Of the Treehouse
50 ..................Solid Citizen
100 ................Stout Yeoman
200 ................Respected Member of the Parish
500 ................A gentleman, a scholar....
750 ................An Acrobat!
1000 .............A Prince Amongst Men
1100 .............A Wizard, A True Star
1500 .............Sir Postsalot
2000 .............A Legend, a Great, a God
2500 .............King Of The World
3000 .............The Grand Vizier of Postdom
4000 .............Lord of the Treehouse Universe
Most Posts...Exalted Grand Pooh-Bah of the Treehouse

The idea is to honour those obsessed souls who, by virtue of their prolific posting, keep the message board as fresh and interesting as a fresh and interesting thing, and to maybe encourage the less forthcoming to add their wit and insight to the cut and thrust of topical debate (and shocking puns) on a more regular basis.

You also may have noticed the recent additions of Thread of the Week and Thread of the Weak Forums. Here we will permanently archive the very best and the most "left field" posts of the past seven days, chosen by the winner of the previous week.

Coming soon: the Treehouse's own Chatroom


Life on the Treehouse hasn’t always been a bed of roses over the past few months. Some good friends have departed, seemingly never to return. This is not the place to dwell on the events of The Great Sundering, but for those interested a comprehensive history is available here. It also contains links to some historical documents as well as the thoughts of some of those involved.

Alternatively a much shorter and it has to be said, a much more light hearted version can be found here.


Work is currently underway on providing a semi-regular CD based aural update of Danny’s most recent shows for those living outside the range of BBC LDN’s 25 watt transmitter, and those unable to listen over the web. The first phase of this began recently with the Happy Songs, Sad Songs and Best Of Xmas Specials. For more information please contact


Thank you for the time taken to read this newletter.Your reactions, reflections and good natured abuse would be welcome. Any contributions for the next issue would also be gladly received at this address.

The Treehouse remains free to use and open to everyone. The messageboard is the heartbeat of the place, if you visit frequently but have yet to post drop into the Leaf and Pun and say “hi!” soon. Once that tricky first post is out the way it becomes habit forming.

If you’re a regular poster already, well the race is on to be the first to 5000 posts. An honour surely worth pursuing.

Thank you all for your continued support and enthusiasim, only through your involvement and sheer brilliance can the Treehouse continue to prosper and grow. A very sincere “thank you” to you all.

Special thanks to AndyF for his help with the above

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All media containing characterisations are for entertainment uses only and are not to be used for commercial purposes.
Special thanks to Zoe, Neil Parkinson, Kevin Chippendale, Chris Long, Andy Ford, Terry Rumney,
Nick Ratcliffe, Richard Morgan, Graham McOwan, Mike Jefferies, Phil Marshall & Andrew Bottomley.