THE WOODEN BOW TIE

Hi Ya Danny

Who is this?

I've got football memorabilia and I've got a footballer in a supermarket..

Okay go on

The football memorabilia is when I was about nine, I'm now about fifty odd so it's going back a bit…

Yeah

I asked my Dad if he'd make me a bow-tie

Hang On, Hang On, Hang On, No Hang On! Just say that again

I asked my Dad if he'd make me a bow-tie

Danny Kelly - The first time ever on Radio Five Live the sentence, I asked my Dad to make me a bow-tie

This is already my favourite call ever……Kids you asked your Dad to make you a train, a ship, a boat, some kind of railway station. You asked your Father……..

Well it made a difference from a scarf right. I wanted something with my teams' name on it.

Danny Kelly - What team is that?

Dundee United

Okay cool it's great, go on.

But they're just called United. So he made it and it was wee black triangles, you know at the pointy bit and it was white across the middle and it had Utd. written across the middle….

- LAUGHTER -

A bow-tie!

….but it was made of plywood!

- MAD LAUGHTER -

This is too good. We'll have to play an advert. We're going to have to play an advert.

Danny Kelly -We're going commercial…they'll be an advert for the next twenty minutes.

I'm sorry Gordon, as you know we usually plough on, but you're wearing a plywood bow-tie with Dundee Utd on it?

………and it was two feet wide!

- MORE MAD LAUGHTER -

…….and it was tied round my neck with a big leather strap.

- MORE MAD LAUGHTER -

…and by half time I was Quasimodo.

..and what did you say when he handed you this thing?

- HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER -

Danny Kelly - Here you go son, here's your bow-tie.

- LAUGHTER -

Danny Kelly - Clank, Clank, Clank and here's the big leather strap to tie it to your neck.

Oh my God!

It weighed about a stone and a half………

Danny Kelly - You must have ended up with curvature of the spine?

……..but he saw the error of his ways……..

Oh Man!

So next week…..

There's more?

He produced a big pole….

- MAD LAUGHTER -

…and I went away to the match like a Roman Centurion you know?

Danny Kelly - What was the Pole for sorry?

The bow-tie was strapped to the pole…

- MAD LAUGHTER -

…...Like a Roman standard?

Bang, Bang, Bang! (Danny thumps the table with his fist in hysterics)

Danny Kelly - Like a Roman Standard?…you're making it worse, don't keep doing that.

Gordon, this is my favourite ever and I've been doing this a while…..Sorry I've gone

………..and another quick thing is…………

No, No, hang on just a minute, you don't have to fill the space; sometimes it's good to have dead air. Just going back, why did you want a bow-tie?

Why does anybody want anything?

No, No, No seriously, a rattle yes, a banner yes, a scarf as you say, a hat………..

I already had a rattle…

Ooooh!

Aah I'm afraid Gordon we're going to have to keep your number and have you tell that…..I may have to ring you up when I'm at parties and I can't quite remember all the details……….Good Old Gordon!

Danny Kelly - Wherever tards and retards meet...

A two foot wide bow-tie

Danny Kelly - And one with a big leather strap the first week and on the second week, carried into the ground like a Roman Centurion.

The thing to do is stick it on a pole. Well don't feel intimidated by Gordon's call. It may be the best, but please 0345 909 693.

Danny Kelly - you only have to do better than that and you're on the air!